About Me

I was raised in a small town in Massachusetts then moved to another one where I live now. I received my A.S. in Sign Language Interpreting in 1986 and worked as an interpreter for twelve years. I am fluent in American Sign Language and Deaf Culture. In 1992 I got my B.A. in Psychology and Sociology from Hampshire College where I mostly studied why people do what they do. In 1996 I received my M.B.A. from the University of Massachusetts.

I've been intrigued with difficult behaviors and how to control them ever since I was a sixth grade child myself volunteering in for indoor recess in the winters trying to deal with twenty five first graders in one small classroom. I could easily see that some of the kids behaved quite well and were relatively comfortable in themselves. Other children were needy or running around like crazy or destructive or hurtful to their classmates. I wondered if it was at all possible, to manage children's behavior in a highly respectful and comfortable way, while still guiding them towards responsible and productive adulthood. It seems from so many of the philosophies I'd read that the two were antithesis. If you wanted to raise a child well, strict discipline was necessary, if you wanted to be kind and respectful, expect to be raising a brat.

As a child myself, at the time, though, I felt that there were other options. Perhaps there were ways to engage the child so that the two, respect and responsibility could go together. As a young adult I realized that as a non-parent I had no idea whether my ideas were useful in day to day practice. It all seemed logical and doable to my twenty-something eyes, but I wasn't sure how it would work with actual children of my own. I worked in a battered women's shelter with the children and I was a professional babysitter for my teenage years all the way into my twenties, but babysitting isn't the same as full time parenting.

I continued babysitting and working in classrooms with children with difficult behaviors. As a young adult I worked in group homes with adults with incredibly difficult behaviors. The adults were diagnosed with mental illness or mental retardation, but the biggest issue were the behaviors from the usual yelling, screaming or refusing to take care of themselves to the far more dangerous behaviors of throwing furniture at people, pulling knives on staff or throwing themselves off second floor balconies.

Again, it was important to me to develop highly respectful methods for helping my clients manage their behaviors. Often the methods used were highly behaviorist oriented, rewards and punishments for different behaviors. I found these methods condescending for adults and not always very successful. I tested out different theories that I had and different methods for working with my clients and found a good deal of success. Being that I was in my young twenties at the time I always used to ask myself whether I would be willing to be treated like I was treating my clients and if I would treat a friend like this if they found themselves mentally ill.

During this time I volunteered at a battered woman's shelter working with the children. Many of the children had lived very traumatic experiences for their young lives. There were some kids that I was told were completely unmanageable. In addition, they didn't speak any English and I, no Spanish. I worked with a group of seven children all aged five or under. I had no problem managing the kids. I remember being amazed, though, at the ease with which I could pick up the children and physically move them if necessary. This was in sharp contrast to working with my adult clients who were almost always far larger than me. I kept it in my brain that I shouldn't abuse that ability of being much larger than children. I tried to remember that it should be used only to keep children safe.

I got my Bachelor's degree at a unique college, Hampshire College, which requires that each student create their own major. My major was basically studying why people do what they do. I wrote my final, major paper on how to support people with Borderline Personality Disorder, a mental illness with particular stubborn and difficult to treat behaviors. At the time, my advisors said that my methods wouldn't be effective. Fifteen years later they are part of the accepted method of approach with people with such a diagnosis.

I really wanted to parent, but was also scared because I was afraid that I might not be able to uphold my values of respectful child rearing when faced with actual children daily. I put it off until my mid thirties and then finally decided to become a foster parent.

I fostered for five years and learned an incredible amount about dealing with difficult behaviors. The children I cared for had certainly dealt with far more trauma than any child should and showed their internal conflicts in extremely challenging behaviors. Children who would climb on my counters to get food, lock child care providers out of the house, refuse to follow any rules, whip toys at other children, trip children intentionally, molest and sexually abuse children, destroy property, throw tantrums, hurt themselves and other difficult behaviors.

I went through my whole repertoire of behavior management methods I had and developed new ones. Only the newborn infants that I took care of didn't come with huge behavioral issues. Even a seven month old I took in already had some very large behavioral issues including screaming like a banshee for hours when I tried to put him to sleep at night. I read every book that I could on the issue of dealing with incredibly sad, hurt and disturbed children and tried to reconcile my own ideals about how children should be treated with those. I tried and discarded many tactics suggested, looking for what was most effective and most respectful. Much of the time I could see that the children in my care were becoming better able to function and behave appropriately and live in the world, but I wasn't always sure how that was coming about. Of course, no one really cares how it's being done if the kids are actually getting better.

I've written for local newspapers and I write short stories and non-fiction. I'm currently working on putting together a book proposal for a book I want to write on parenting.